hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
