I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
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You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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