sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
