i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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