Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
try to milk me bitch
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