he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
