im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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