that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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