My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
