Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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