Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
