please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
