Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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