38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
whose ass print is on the piano?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
