6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
