It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
