dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
