I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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