Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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