You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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