i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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