I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
