Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
