ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize