You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
