Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
