I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
whose parrot is this?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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