On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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