I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
