dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
