this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
