Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize