I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
