Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
