I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
