i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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