you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
