so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
