as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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