I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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