Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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