the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
