i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize