Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I will die if light touches me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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