I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize