I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
