I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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