he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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