I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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