Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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