If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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