I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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