This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
