just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize