then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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