I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
