you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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