i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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